Abuse- The Affects

When starting to explore the many types of Abuse that exist in this world of ours; right off the top of my brain....I could think of several. Abuse of power, body, verbal, emotional, political, justice, physical, alcohol, drugs and the list goes on. This article will touch on a few of these which are not always common to seeing with the eye.

We know that the word Abuse has a signficant bearing on any word that is used with it. This word probably carries with it the most harmful of all meanings, I think. Let's think about what the word means in general....

Abuse: this word carries with it a sense of harm....to misuse something so badly that you harm it...

The worse part of Abuse is the kind you cannot see with the natural eye, unless of course you know the signs. What is even worse to me, is a person who has a tendency to "Abuse" and they are doing so without realizing it... How do you help these people? That is a good question and sometimes it never gets addressed. Sometimes there is no justice for another persons power of abuse. There are times when it is allowed and considered as acceptable...

We have all seen someone who is an Emotional Abuser or either the person who is being Emotionally Abused.  This can be described as someone who has been slowely but surely intimidated, belittled, with constant berating by another person. We can name some names here; for instance when an individual is being told that they are dumb, stupid, and that they never do anything right. The abuser usually uses destructibe words verbally but can also act in ways to casue Emotional Abuse.  When this happens over and over, it can give the recipient of the "Abuse" lose of self and personal value. Emotional Abuse cuts to the bone so to speak, the very core of a person, causing scares that go far deeper and most lasting than a physical one could. There is research to this which has proved this effect to the individuals self evaluation. The normal Emotional Abuses, insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until they are incapable of judging realistically.

Eventually the recipitent will start blaming themselves for the Abuse. In a marriage or relationship; this sometimes cause the individual to be more and more attached to the Abuser. They can become so sure that they are worthless, they believe themselves no one else would desire them. This can also mean they have a fear of being alone.

Types of Emotional Abuse

Abusive Expectations

1. This is when the Abuser demands that the person who is Abused take care of their needs over and above eveyone and everything else.
2. It can be a demand of constant attention, constant appeasement from the Abused, constant all of their free time.
3. Nothing is every enough....regardless of how much is given,
4. Constant berating, constant criticism, constant reminding that you are not fulfilling their needs.

Aggressing Abuse

1. Blaming, ordering, name-calling, threatening processes
2. These aggressing behaviors are normally obvious and directed at the person being abused.
3. The abuser attempts to judge, curely and invalidate the abused which in turn makes the abused feel unequal and there it is an unhealthy relationship...
4. This behavior may also take another more indirect form and be disguised as being the help mate, the encourager...criticizing, proving, analyzing, advising and always questioning the abused person.

Consant Confusion

1. The Abuser may start arguments
2. Constant conflict with others
3. They may be addicted to turmoil as it can bring excitment

Abusive Denial

1. A person's emotional needs are denyed and sometimes when they need it most and it is done with the need to hurt, purnish or humiliate.
2. The abuser will deny anything that has been said for instance, name calling, or belitting and even say that do not know what the Abused person is referring to..they are in denial of their actions.
3. Refusing to talk, listen or communicate (withholding) is another form of denail...emotionally with drawing and this is purnishment...the silent treatment...
4. Another area of denial is when the abuser will not listen any suggestions, viewpoints or feeling other than their own.

It is known that denying can be one of the most damaging of all because it can lead to the lowering of ones self-esteem and creates conflict, the invalidation of reality and experiences and you can begin to mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experiences.

This process can lead a person to lose their own confidence and the most valuable survival tool they have....their mind....

There are other forms of Emotional Abuse to include but not limited to: dominating, invalidation, emotional blackmail, unpredictable reponses. I wonder if we realize sometimes that our very own actions can determine how someone else feels especially if they are already being abused by someone and we do not even take the time to realize what our actions are.

This is probably the easiest to recognize but yet sometimes the abused will not acknowledge that they have been abused to another individual. It is usually an accident of some sort.

We know that Physical Abuse is named as assult and battery or violence that usually results in bodily harm, pain and sometimes impairment.

In Physical Abuse most of the time is is someone the person knows. The abuser sometimes uses violence to gain power or control over the victim. We know that one main category is domestice violence and we are all familiar with the what the results can be for spouses who suffer from this behavior. It is often denied and often the abused will think "they deserve" it because they are also suffering from emotional abuse as well. The physical abuser will also live in denial that they have done exactly what the person being abused will say they did, if it is not noticable. For instance...you choked me...No, I did not choke you...this kind of thing.

There are physical abusers who will then be so sorry, cry and beg forgiveness. A lot of times the person being abused will feel sorry for them and cling...cling to the abusive nature because they feel insecure and would be alone without them...life is not meant to be lived in a physical relationship. Sometimes the victims are abused sexually, verbally, emotionally at the same time. I can only imagine the pain and self destructive thinking this casuses.

When I think about the Abuse of Power, my mind at the moment goes to the Democrats and Republicans. They are at this point (and from what the news tell us, may already have) ready to use the Abuse of Power to get the votes for HealthCare Reform.

I am a believer that we need HealthCare Reform for America, of some type...but to get it with this kind of behaviors from those elected politicians, is rather disturbing. Where is the integrity, discipline and the "Change" that was the talk of the campaign? It went out the window and in my book; how can you respect these individuals for abusing the power they have?

Another Abuse of Power is when........

A manager in an office situation will not allow their employees to give their own assessments of how the job should be done, use their own brain power, their own tactics...eveything is done according to their specifications and by their rules. They are the boss; what they say goes and no one is to question...They take the employees experience for granted and sometimes do not recognize the worker's experience period...it is their experience that counts...

They sometimes embarrass their employees in front of a crowd or in front of the owner of the company....they are trying to make themselves look good while trying to make someone else look bad...

It is evident that when this occurs; the manager is lacking self confidence, self-esteem and is profoundly insensitive to anothers feelings. They are not manager material nor should they be managing other people and somewhere, someone has evidently made a misjudgement in character to allow a person who abuses power in this situation to be over other people. This can destroy a companies enthusiasm and the ability for the employees to perform with self confidence and somewhere down the line, it will show in the profits one way or the other. It may begin in a turn-over of the employees and this should be a sign to the owners of the company if they cannot keep qualified employees for long.  This may not be with a physical abuse but this causes emotional problems to the employees and should not be in the work place period.

Abuse of Justice is another somewhat political event when we see sex defenders out on the streets to subject other girls and children to harm and death.  We know that the justice system must uphold the written law but also uphold the rights of an individual.

Justice sometimes is not served when an individual is acquitted from a crime that everyone knows they committed, yet they go free...why would a justice system allow this???  There are questions we never get answered yet these kinds of things happen frequently in our Nation.

It is usually blamed on the law and there are no ways to stop this injustice it appears for when the jury speaks, it is law...

These are my views and are not intended for diagnosis of any individual. Having taken some nursing courses and with study, these are my perceptions and studied material findings.

From studying this behavior, some of the common issues that exist are:

• the abuser has been abused themselves
• their self esteem is lacking
• their self confidence is lacking
• their ability to enteract with others is missing
• their wants and needs are more important than anything else
• they are selfish people
• they produce a dominate character; could be because they have been dominated by a parent
• no respect for the person they are abusing
• no love....you cannot love someone and abuse them at the same time..regardless of what they say
• they most assuredly do not love themselves

This list could go on.. most children learn how to treat other people by their parents relationship and home life. Abuse is not acceptable behavior, it is not love and respect and it is not the abused persons fault.