How to Overcome -Anxiety, Anger and Fear

Oh no, we don’t like to talk about getting angry and we sure do not like being angry. But, it happens every now and then to all of us. If you have mastered this; please let me know, I need to know your secret. It sometimes comes like a bolt of lightening and goes deep into the soul and we want to bit somebody’s head off and sometimes we do….with words, that is. Absolutely nothing accomplished except the need for an apology. Now was this the action of someone who has master the ability to stand like a mountain and flow like water? I don’t think so because when it hit…there was no restraint, there was no contemplating, no taking time to consider, and not moment of simple thought. It was all action before the facts were known and the fury died down, which normally can happen after a good nights rest or at least a cold shower.

What is the difference of anger and fear? Is there any? It is said that anger shows itself through guilt, envy, jealousy, hostility and rage. Not me, you say! Fear can come in a heap of emotions-doubt, anxiety, alarm, apprehension, agitation, despair, distress, and dread, to name a few. Studies show that fear can be so overpowering that it immobilizes all other thoughts and actions. Some say that anger is an expression of fear but it is also said that in terms of the stress response, there are clear lines drawn between the two. Anger and fear are something like love and joy. They have their right place but too often there is an overwhelming amount of negativity. This means inadequate positive emotions.

It seems that anger and fear are considered survival emotions. When we get into a position that projects danger; one or both of these emotions gives us the need to move, run or hide. These are motivations which are only meant to last long enough to get out of harm’s way. We humans though decide to let feelings of anger and fear to linger around for weeks, months and sometimes years. The experts say that every time anger surfaces, it is because of an unmet expectation. For example; you start to work, you are so close to making it through the yellow light, but you did not. You thought you would miss the train but you didn’t. You thought your client would meet you for lunch but they canceled again. You thought, you thought and thought. These are natural frustrations and normal and propel us sometimes as motivation to reach or accomplishments. When the expectations of the negative are harbored too long and we allow these kinds of frustrations control us, we are headed down the wrong path. You have seen it happen before I am sure; that every thing seems to draw a curse word, a yell, a gasp, a negative emotion. This is when it has become a danger to the individual.

“He, who angers you, conquers you.” By Elizabeth Kenny

“Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power, that is not easy.” Aristotle

Fear is also something we all have in different quantities and about different things. I am sure my greatest fear is death, not that I think about it every day or dwell on it but it is pretty normal to fear death. I think this is because we have never experience and the unknown makes us fear. If I draw upon this fear every day of my life, I am setting myself up for fear in other areas of my life.

Fear jumps out at us when we feel threatened. Being afraid is a natural instinct and there is a certain amount of fear that we should employ if we are to keep ourselves safe from harm in some instances. For instance, we know that we cannot stand on the top of a train that is going down the tracks….that is only in the movies and the train is not really moving…I don’t think. Fear can also present itself in feelings of doubt, embarrassment, guilt, hope, pity, worry and anxiety. It is a survival emotion and brought to life when we encounter anything that we perceive as a danger to us.

Fear is what makes us run from a snake, a bear in the mountains, someone walking rapidly behind us and we don’t know who they are. From reviews it is said that fear in any form is based on some issue of security or lack thereof and it usually produces the reaction to run and hide.

Sometimes we let another person’s intimidation make us fearful. The boss says something negative to us in front of the entire group in a meeting. We are embarrassed and want to run and hide and we do…most of ladies shed a tear or two; or want to anyway. This is when we should not let another person rule our emotions and take over our power. Most of the times if enough time passes the rule is that “what goes around, will come around.” Sometimes we allow other peoples to influence us in the wrong perspective instead of brushing it off and watching the steps closely afterwards. I know, sometimes it is hard to do that when it seems someone has it in for us. We have to make sure we know when it is time to put our foot down and say enough is enough. It may take that to get the respect warranted. That is another story completely and one must be sure they know what they are doing and the consequences. Usually people who try to intimidate others have personality issues themselves and there is no way to conquer some things but my flight.

We cannot live our life completely afraid of everything. If we did we would not ever make a decision, go anywhere, get anything done or improve our life because sometimes fear makes people fear changes. The fear of change will always get us if we aren’t careful. I think once we conquer the fear of change; life flows a little bit better because life is nothing but “change.”

Life is to be lived with a calmness of purpose; a flow of events should not set us into a rage or in a flight mode on a daily basis. Fear of tomorrow and what it will bring is worrying about something we do not have control over. We are not promised of tomorrow so we are making ourselves sick needlessly. We have today and today only that we know of for sure and if we have lived it successfully, we say our prayers when we go to sleep and wait to see. Another fear that is needless to me that is; is like fear of growing old. We are going to grow old, there is not a way that I know of to stop growing old. Women obsess about it and I think it is an unnecessary evil. If we were meant to be young forever, it would have been the process from the beginning. We can’t change the facts of life and I think that is when we get into deep trouble when we try to take control over things that are not meant to be. If we are not growing old, we have an illness of some kind and we should be worried about that instead of growing old. I am not trying to be funny but it is true.

Some where we must stop and look at our anger and fears and make sure they are healthy. If they are not, then we need to work on our problems or see a professional. Only the person involved can know this step but must be wise enough to take the step.

“Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.” James Thurber

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me and when it has gone past me; I will turn the inner eye to its path. Where the fear has gone there is nothing. Only I will remain.” Frank Herbert

“Why are we scared to due? Do any of us remember being scared when we were born?” Trevor Kay

“Fear makes the wolf bigger than it is.” German Proverb