Mending Fences

I think that we have all had a time, probably more than once that we have experienced a broken “fence” in a friendship, relationship, or kinship. Sometimes it seems that whatever has happened has actually made us or the other individual want to walk away. We have either said something at the spur of the moment, in a heated discussion or out of desperation and after the fire burns down, we want to mend the fence.

Sometimes it is not that simply, sometimes the incident that caused the latter was actually not as significant as what we are feeling now, as we hurt and want to make things right but there may not be the opportunity or we may not want to ourselves. Hurt is something that heals with time but is it ever okay to just to walk away without explanation? Everyone has their own perception, I am sure and since I am a fix it person, I would say, it is never okay to hoard a resentment, a grudge or something that might could be explained.

Now, be sure you know that I do not think that I have all the lessons in life all worked out but it is something like un-forgiveness and that only hurts the person who is un-forgiving. In my life I have had several things happen that only time could heal just like you probably. There was just nothing that could be said to change anything and if anything had been said, it would have just prolonged the recuperation from what has happened. You see, if both parties do not have the desire to mend the fence; it can’t be mended. Neither you nor I have the ability to do it by ourselves; it has to be a two some or three some.

In realizing that we cannot control another individual’s response to us; it becomes necessary that we do one of two things; we either continue in misery or we let it go and move on. We really have no other choice but before we let go…move on…we should step back from the fence and see if we are in someway responsible for the broken fence, which needs to be mended. If we are, then we should find the courage to say; I’m at wrong, I made a mistake, I have fumbled the ball and I am sorry.

I read something just recently from a contributor in a magazine that has asked the question, who had given them the best advice. Their response was; their husband had taught them to be quick to realize a mistake and quick to say “I’m sorry.” Quite a good thing to learn and we all know that those two words are very hard for some people to say. Some people just do not say them period. Now, that is a problem, don’t you think? Why, because we all make mistakes, we are never always in the “right”. Never! If we were to know this person, we would have died and gone to heaven, right?

I will say that this process is not all that easy and it is not cut and dried so to speak, or simple. It takes a lot of courage to admit we have made a mistake and we are to blame for something. Not because we think we do not make mistakes but because we are hurt also. Usually when things go bad, it is not just one person who may have said or done something that needs repair. Most of the time if we know our counter partner pretty well in the incident, it probably needs a little “repair” from both sides. Still both have to be willing partners to make it right.

Forgiveness is a part of mending fences for sure and moving on with clarity of what we need to remember for the future.  Hopefully never repeating the same things again, learning from our mistakes and making sure we polish the fence every now and then with good things to make the relationship better.  I think it is kind of like listening before we jump to conclusions and not acting out of desperation or frustration.  I really think it is something called “self control” and respect. 

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."
— Thomas Stephen Szasz

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
— Mahatma Gandhi

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
— Maya Angelou

"This is how it works. I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as is necessary. For example, in your case you always forgot who you are and how much you're loved. So what I do for you as your friend is remind you who you are and tell you how much I love you. And this isn't any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much. Every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure."
— James Lecesne

Mending fences is a part of the good life, not any of us need to or want to lose someone who is important to us. Sometimes things happen which are out of our control and we have no choices. If we have tried, then we are not to blame, if we have sought to make peace, we have done our duty. Let’s make peace and mend the fences.