Writing from within

I am not a professional writer by any means, but this has been something I have thought was a part of me all along. The last 2.5 months has been a journey that I have throughly enjoyed and there has been a steady flow of words flowing on to paper, most days anywhere from 8 to 10 hours. Have I ever done this before? No! I have wanted to but as you know writing takes time and I did not have the reserves to apply myself fulltime to writing and live a normal life. I did write a Church play once. It flowed the same way on to the paper. So natural and without much effort. It was such a great feeling and I feel some of the same joy now.

Am I writing for the love it totally; not exactly, but I find that when I am writing it has nothing to do with making money. It is about writing something that someone can read and benefit from. Ask me if I make mistakes and the answer is yes, most definitely. Truth is always best and I do not fool myself into thinking that I am a polished writer or even considered a writer period. It is not so much that I have to write like a pro or say fancy words to make it look like I am really bright, it is about say what is in my heart and writing from within.

I think what amazes me the most is that for the most part, I find no one too critical. It seems that it is okay to be human and a chance for even the worst writer to at least say something. Hopefully something of value, something to teach, something learned and something from within.

My Mom doesn't understand how I could spend so much time on my laptop without making a dime and as much as she loves and tries to trust my judgement, she has her doubts. Of course I know that since I have moved back home, she would love those everyday visits which she has not had from me for a very long time. She lives at the nursing home and I am five minutes away, so Mom is not hurting for attention with my two sister who live near by as well.

Writing is a soul deliverance, I think, it helps us say the things we could not say any other way. It is an expression of our thoughts, our values and how we determine that life should be. Writing From Within has made me realize that I have missed something, but I know it isn't too late. I can't imagine how I have made it so many years without writing. I did try many times but without dedication. It could have been that I did not try often enough and I am sure I thought the desire would go away someday. Now I know why......

It could also be that God has given me this time for Writing From Within for a reason, time to reflect upon the most important things in life and not the foolishness of the past. As we get older, no one has to tell us what is important, we just know it. We stop making the silly mistakes we used to make, we take each day with a serious kind of joy, knowing it will not be as many tomorrows as we used to think we had. We share as many things with our loved ones as they will let us, but we have learned that we cannot make others see everything that we see.

I think for the first time in my life, I feel complete. It comes after a lot of everyday life trials, ups and downs and frustrations; some of which I created on my own. I have learned that we build our own happiness from within our hearts and that no one can make us happy. It is a process we must create within ourself and we can find it so much easier when we stop living in a world of fantasy and realize this is the real play, we have no practice...we must get it right the first time or we live with regrets. Writing From Within is a passion, a desire and a deliverance of something that was held inside for so long. It being me joy.